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Eulogy For Father
How do you write, and prepare an appropriate
Eulogy for Father Mother or Parent???
Eulogy for Father (or loved one) Writing
is not only for the Living...
sometimes, it can help us to 'Say Goodbye to the Dead.'
My Father, Felton, M. expired on September 12, 2008. He was 87; almost 88. For me, as well as for many of you, preparing and writing a Eulogy for Father (aka speech) will be a very stressful exercise.
Saying nothing of the actual "Eulogy Performance."
When your loved one, passes, experience the loss in its fullness. Make your travel arrangements, Orbitz Flights Tab... pack your
Yet, don't dally around, because the funeral, burial ceremony, or flower arrangements () will usually happen within days.
Take care to inventory your clothes; clean your shoes
The safe route would be to pawn the duty on the minister/priest/rabbi...No, not You! You are going to either personally deliver or delegate (with supervision) the dreaded task. In my case, it did not occur to me to prepare a Eulogy.
I "stumbled" upon the idea on a website,
eHow dotcom.
So now, I'm working up and delivering a Eulogy for Father. The delivery is virtual...that is, via cyberspace. For personal reasons, I did not give an oral presentation for his funeral.
--I Wish Dad were alive to
witness the (2009) inauguration
of our 44th U.S. President,
Barack Hussein Obama--
Another item, before I craft my message to the Universe. I Strongly recommend your coming face-to-face with your "angels and demons." Of course, this is meant euphemistically and symbolically rather than literally.
Simply:
Did You and Dad get along?
Did you Know your Dad? Did you Have a Dad?
Were You close to Dad?
Was there any Unfinished business between You and Dad?
Did Dad love your brother(s) and/or sister(s) More than You?
Was he Good to Mom? Did he have any Vices (as all of us do)?
Lastly, what is to be his spiritual destination? Meaning:
Heaven,
Hell, Nirvana, Purgatory, Reincarnation, or was he Agnostic...
It’s a Matter of Life and Death
Starting with a blank computer screen with a lettered keyboard, I began my eulogy for father. Recalled a famous quote from the Reverend Jesse Jackson, with regard to his sentiments about Dr. Martin Luther King.
Jackson said, "We tend to Bury the Living and Raise the Dead." My take-away from that quote is that sometimes we look upon our departed immediate family (MFSB) as "Saints rather than as Sinners."
The Judeo-Christian doctrine suggests that "All have sinned (transgressed the law), and fall short of the glory of God." While I don't profess to be a theologian or a proctor of world religion, I'll go out on a limb and say that many other religious doctrines (Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Krishna, etc.) struggle with this practice of apostolic elevation (aka raising the dead).
Moreover, our emotional states are clouded during the Grief process. Psychologists Kibler-Ross proposed that humans experience the grieving process of losing a loved one through a series of stages. The gamut of emotions transpires from denial to anger or even depression.
In general, the APA-DSM (diagnostic standards manual) outlines that "healthy persons" should be able to return to normalcy within 3-6 months. The lay word for this return-to-normalcy is Bouncing-Back.
Personally, I'm not one for grieving, crying,
utter sadness, nor hysterical histrionics...
--Falling-out of my chair in a fit of despair; certainly not writing a eulogy for father.--
But, I'll admit to having experienced some very deep emotional release as I presently write this web memorium.
The Secret Was Revealed
For example: I was in attendance for
T. Harv Eker's, (c)Millionaire Mind Intensive Seminar,
April 08 at Dallas Texas. It was a 3 day event that led the attendees through an examination and restructuring of our financial blueprint. Day 3 was a Sunday afternoon.
The program leader, Doug Nelson, gathered the 500 or so participants into a large circle within the Anatole Hotel's Grand Ballroom. Doug told us that he would play a song; we were encouraged to experience whatever emotions that came to the surface.
The music began; people started crying and steeling their composure. Of course, this writer, aka Mister Tough Guy, wondered how so many could be affected by a simple music selection. Wait, The Plot Thickens...
The song, thundering over the public address (PA system) was "The Living Years." The Living Years was popularized by a pop group called Mike and the Mechanics (I doubt that any of these band members could change the oil in my car...but I digress).
The emotional impact upon my "Steeled Composure" was like being hit by a Mack truck! I will post both the lyrics as well as a band performance at the end of this page.
What happened??? In retrospect, I came to realize that my Mother had died in the year 2002. I had neglected to grieve. Sure enough, the Kibler-Ross grief stages kicked in.
I broke away from the group circle; I ran away as fast as I could. The sheer largeness of the Anatole, even though I had ran for 20 minutes, kept me inside and did not give me a quick exit from the building.
I found refuge and solace in the hotel public restroom...uninhabited...checked into a toilet stall. I sat upon the seat fully-clothed.
Folks, this 48 year-old man Cried like a Baby after being spanked after exiting his mother's womb.
I Cried...I Cried...I cried. I cried up a full roll of toilet paper. I wet my shirt with tears and mucus. I was hysterical, histrionic, and scared. Why was I crying?
The Living Years as recorded by Mike and the Mechanics (available via Apple iTunes download).
The answer may be obvious to all of you; it was not obvious to me. The question I ask myself now is this: Will I go about my life for 5 or 6 years and deny the necessary grieving for my Dad? I don't think so...
Hence, this Eulogy for Father webpage will serve as an eternal memorial from me to my Dad's memory. This webpage is Part One, of my eulogy for dad. Want to see the real gritty and interpersonal drama of Dad and...
Recall the earlier questions as asked above?
My question and answer to you and I is this:
Did you Know your Dad? Did you Have a Dad?
My unabridged answer is Yes and Yes.
What is the greatest gift that a Father can give to a child? I believe it is this: Be There...Stick around...Don't Leave...Don't Run Away...PROVIDE!
Andre and Dad, San Antonio Texas (USA), August 2007
The Easy Way to Prepare Your Dad's Eulogy
The Media is a great starting point for getting your act together for the eulogy work. A large piece of media is music. After all, Music is the Universal language. Find and select music. What is the "Right Music?" I sure don’t know...I'm not you.
Mick Jager and the Rolling Stones could do it for you. Perhaps Aretha Franklin, Mahalia Jackson, or even the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. In this day and time, it’s so easy to find the right music. My suggestion, scour the Apple iTunes Store.
My personal favorite, besides The Living Years (as recorded by Mike and the Mechanics), would be Just a Closer Walk with Thee (as recorded by the Dirty Dozen Brass Band).
Permit me to insert a plug for a Musician friend of mine and an Alumni of the U.S. Army Band, Mr. (SGM, ret) Timothy McWright of San Antonio, Texas. Tim is a Saxophonist-Extraordinaire; he also has a pretty good set of pipes as well (baritone voice).
To move me along toward finishing my eulogy for father, I found great comfort in a saxophone rendition of an old gospel favorite.
Gospel music is last on my genre Fav list (also note that I don't grieve either). Yet Tim McWright's "Old Rugged Cross" gave me calm and peace. I Only listened to his recording 63 times over a 4-day period.
After searching, I found my template through reading my daily.
The Saturday, September 13, 2008 edition remembered Raymond L. Danner. Mr. Danner was the founder and CEO of Shoney's Restaurant. Ok, what's the connection…? Simply, Dad and I ate dinner many times at Shoney's. The Big Boy Hamburger and Vanilla Shake. It triggered a memory.
Movies are a reflection of the human spirit. Whether a classic or a whatsa-name, all of us can reflect to a clip of film that serves us. Two recent releases that are serving me now are There will be Blood (TWBB) and Meet the Browns (MTB). I rented the DVD films via Netflix before my father's passing.
TWBB was a story of an Oil Barron that made a fortune as a Wildcatter; MTB is a Tyler Perry production starring Angela Basset.
TWBB, starring Daniel Patrick Lewis, highlighted an awkward relationship between Father and Son. Conversely, MTB had a scene in which Son and Church Deacon aggressively moved to eulogize his deceased father during the church service.
If I had ever seen a Great example of How-Not-To-Eulogize a loved one, then MTB delivered...Big Time. Ok, I'll spoil the plot for you. The Son Goes ON...and ON...and On...and on.
Is that a Cigar that I Smell Burning
Dad loved to smoke Medium Body Cigars. He'd chew and chomp on those cheap brown-paper wrapped 5 cent cigars (circa year 1964).
I detested them...but developed a fetish for the stoogies once I reached age 40. Funny how powerful our olfactory organs (aka the nose) affect memory and emotion.
Speaking of smells and aromas, I once used Flowers.com (Funeral Standing Wreaths) to send flowers for my Mother's funeral. They did an excellent job.
I also used WineBasket.comto deliver a gift basket of wine and cheese to a female co-worker that was getting married.
I think that Blackberry and 1-800-Flowers have gotten married. Maybe I'll blackberry up some flowers??? Or perhaps, order myself a bottle of wine from wine.com to remember my father.
What are the secrets of writing or delivering
a great eulogy for father or mother?
Aha, I'll reveal The Secret to you.
The "secret" is commonly referred to as the 3 B's. They are:
Be Short (Don't become a Wind Bag)
Be Quick!
[If you need 30 minutes to say goodbye and do justice to the Departed, then OK...but maybe 20 minutes will be just as well].
Be Gone!!!
[It's not Your Show...You didn't die. It's Dad's show. If you want it to be your show, then ask the Universe to let you trade places with the deceased].
My preparation work is complete...
I'm now ready to apply the finishing touches to
my Eulogy for Father...
Permit me to insert a plug for a Musician friend of mine and an Alumni of the U.S. Army Band, Mr. (SGM, ret) Timothy McWright of San Antonio, Texas. Tim is a Saxophonist-Extraordinaire; he also has a pretty good set of pipes as well (baritone voice).
